All you zombies(15)

All you zombies를 읽어보는 15번째 시간이다.

“‘What’s that got to do with me?’
“‘That’s what I’m saying. You’re a man.’
“I tried to sit up. ‘What?’

뭔소리냐길래 "너 남자라니까"라고 말했다. 방금 아기를 낳았는데 이건 도대체 뭔소린가.

“‘Take it easy. When I opened you, I found a mess. I sent for the Chief of Surgery while I got the baby out,
then we held a consultation with you on the table—and worked for hours to salvage what we could. You had two full sets of organs, both immature, but with the female set well enough developed for you to have a baby.
They could never be any use to you again, so we took them out and rearranged things so that you can develop properly as a man.’ He put a hand on me. ‘Don’t worry. You’re young, your bones will readjust, we’ll watch your glandular balance—and make a fine young man out of you.’

그래서 설명을 해주는데, 배를 열어보니 남자에게 필요한 것과 여자에게 필요한 것이 미성숙하지만 모두 들어 있었다고 한다. 그래서 "I found mess." 뭔가 엉망 진창이었다는 것이다. 어쨌든, 그 중에서 여자인 부분은 미성숙하지만 임신하기에 충분하기는 했고, 그렇지만 다시 쓸 수는 없었기 때문에 여자인 부분을 모두 들어내고 남자로 만들어 놨다고 한다.

여기서는 so that 구문을 살펴볼 수 있을 것 같다. so that은 that 뒤에 이어지는 문장이 그 앞에 있는 문장에 대한 이유가 된다. 즉, 여기서는, 남자로 자라날 수 있게 하기 위하여 그것들을 다 꺼내고 재배치했다는 뜻이다.

“I started to cry. ‘What about my baby?’
“‘Well, you can’t nurse her, you haven’t milk enough for a kitten. If I were you, I wouldn’t see her—put her
up for adoption.’
“‘No!’
“He shrugged. ‘The choice is yours; you’re her mother —well, her parent. But don’t worry now; we’ll get you well first.’

하지만, 어쨌든 이제 남자가 되었으니 젖이 나오질 않을 것이고, 의사는 입양을 보내라고 권유한다. 물론 선택은 본인 마음대로 할 수 있다고 하긴 하지만.

이제 소설의 해설로 블로그를 유지하는 것은 힘들어지고 있기 때문에 웬만하면 20회 내에 끝내려고 한다. 그래서 왕창 달려본다.

“Next day they let me see the kid and I saw her daily—trying to get used to her. I had never seen a b
rand–new baby and had no idea how awful they look—my daughter looked like an orange monkey. My
feelings changed to cold determination to do right by her. But four weeks later that didn’t mean anything.”

다음 날 병원에서는 아기를 보여주고, 이 아저씨는 자기 딸을 매일 매일 보면서 친숙해지려고 노력했다. trying to get used에서 get used가 친숙해진다는 뜻이다. 사실 used가 중고품, 사용된, 뭐 그런 뜻이긴 한데 사람을 중고품 취급할 수는 없으니 친숙해진다는 뜻으로 이해하자. 그리고, 자기 딸이 오렌지 색 원숭이처럼 보인다는 사실을 깨달았다. 그 사실을 깨달은 다음에는, 더이상 아기가 새로워 보이지 않았다. 결국 이 아저씨는 냉정한 결정을 내려야 한다고 생각하게 되었는데, 4주 후에는 아무런 의미가 없게 되었다.

“Eh?”
“She was snatched.”
“‘Snatched?’”
The Unmarried Mother almost knocked over the bottle we had bet. “Kidnapped—stolen from the hospital
nursery!” He breathed hard. “How’s that for taking the last a man’s got to live for?”

납치되었기 때문이다. 그러면서 베팅에 걸었던 그 술병을 거이 깨부술듯이 치면서, 병원 유아실에서 납치당했다며 거칠게 숨을 몰아쉰다.

“A bad deal,” I agreed. “Let’s pour you another. No clues?”
“Nothing the police could trace. Somebody came to see her, claimed to be her uncle. While the nurse had her
back turned, he walked out with her.”

경찰이 추적할 근거도 못 찾았고, 누군가 그녀의 삼촌이라는 사람이 보러 왔었다는데, 간호사가 그 아기를 내주었고 그대로 데려갔다는 뜻이다.

“Description?”
“Just a man, with a face–shaped face, like yours or mine.” He frowned. “I think it was the baby’s father. The
nurse swore it was an older man but he probably used makeup. Who else would swipe my baby? Childless
women pull such stunts—but whoever heard of a man doing it?”

그래서 생김새를 물어보니, 그냥 평범한 남자랜다, 나나 당신처럼. 얼굴을 찌푸리면서 계속 얘기한다. 그 사람이 자기 아기의 아빠였을 거라고 생각한다. 그 간호사가 막 욕하면서 더 늙은 사람인데 아마 화장을 했을 거라고 욕했다고 한다.

“What happened to you then?”
“Eleven more months of that grim place and three operations. In four months I started to grow a beard; before
I was out I was shaving regularly... and no longer doubted that I was male.” He grinned wryly. “I was staring
down nurses necklines.”

그 뒤로 11달동안 세번의 수술을 더 받았는데, 4개월 사이에 턱수염이 자라기 시작했다. 수염을 깎기 전에는 아무도 남자라는 걸 의심하지 않을 정도로. 그리고 간호사의 목 선을 보며... 남자 다 됐네.

“Well,” I said, “seems to me you came through okay. Here you are, a normal man, making good money, no
real troubles. And the life of a female is not an easy one.”
He glared at me. “A lot you know about it!”
“So?”
“Ever hear the expression ‘a ruined woman’?”
“Mmm, years ago. Doesn’t mean much today.”
“I was as ruined as a woman can be; that bum really ruined me—I was no longer a woman... and I didn’t
know how to be a man.”
“Takes getting used to, I suppose.”

여기까지는 별로 어려운 문장이 없다. 어떻게 하면 남자가 될 수 있는지 모른다고 했더니, 이 바텐더가 익숙해 질 것이라며 위로를 해 준다.

“You have no idea. I don’t mean learning how to dress, or not walking into the wrong rest room; I learned
those in the hospital. But how could I live? What job could I get? Hell, I couldn’t even drive a car. I didn’t
know a trade; I couldn’t do manual labor—too much scar tissue, too tender.

하지만, 그게 아니라. 그러니까, 옷을 어떻게 입는지 또는 남자화장실을 사용해야 한다는 것 정도는 병원에서 배우고 나왔는데. 문제는 직장이다. 운전도 못하고 장사도 못하고 가내수공업도 못하니까.

“I hated him for having ruined me for the W.E.N.C.H.E.S., too, but I didn’t know how much until I tried to join the Space Corps instead. One look at my belly and I was marked unfit for military service. The medical officer spent time on me just from curiosity; he had read about my case.

잡년들... 거기에 그가 자신을 데려갔기 때문에 매우 싫어한다고 했다. 그리고 우주 회사에 들어갔는데, 단지 의사가 자기를 흥미롭게 지켜봐주었다는 것 정도.

“So I changed my name and came to New York. I got by as a fry cook, then rented a typewriter and set myself up as a public stenographer—what a laugh! In four months I typed four letters and one manuscript.
The manuscript was for Real Life Tales and a waste of paper, but the goof who wrote it sold it.
“Which gave me an idea; I bought a stack of confession magazines and studied them.” He looked cynical.
“Now you know how I get the authentic woman’s angle on an unmarried–mother story... through the only
version I haven’t sold—the true one. Do I win the bottle?”
I pushed it toward him. I was upset myself, but there was work to do. I said, “Son, you still want to lay hands
on that so–and–so?”
His eyes lighted up—a feral gleam.
“Hold it!” I said. “You wouldn’t kill him?”
He chuckled nastily. “Try me.”
“Take it easy. I know more about it than you think I do. I can help you. I know where he is.”
He reached across the bar. “Where is he?”
I said softly, “Let go my shirt, sonny—or you’ll land in the alley and we’ll tell the cops you fainted.” I showed
him the sap.
He let go. “Sorry. But where is he?” He looked at me. “And how do you know so much?”
“All in good time. There are records—hospital records, orphanage records, medical records. The matron of
your orphanage was Mrs. Fetherage—right? She was followed by Mrs. Gruenstein—right? Your name, as a
girl, was ‘Jane’—right? And you didn’t tell me any of this—right?”
I had him baffled and a bit scared. “What’s this? You trying to make trouble for me?”
“No indeed. I’ve your welfare at heart. I can put this character in your lap. You do to him as you see fit—and
I guarantee that you’ll get away with it. But I don’t think you’ll kill him. You’d be nuts to—and you aren’t
nuts. Not quite.”

여기까지 별로 어려운 문장이나 알아둘만한 중요한 문장이 별로 없어서 그냥 넘어간다. 아들이 매우 고민고민하면서 술 한병을 걸고 자기 얘기를 했는데, 바텐더 아빠는 이미 다 알고 있었고, 그래서 별로 놀라지 않았다.

He brushed it aside. “Cut the noise. Where is he?” I poured him a short one; he was drunk, but anger was
offsetting it. “Not so fast. I do something for you—you do something for me.”

cut the noise는 소음을 줄이라는 뜻인데, 이 분위기에서는 "닥쳐요"로 해석하면 되겠다. 그래서 자기를 위해서 뭔가를 하라고 한다.

“Uh... what?”
“You don’t like your work. What would you say to high pay, steady work, unlimited expense account, your
own boss on the job, and lots of variety and adventure?”

높은 수익과 안정적인 직장, 직장에 상사가 있고, 모험과 다양한 경험들을 얻을 수 있다면 어쩔테냐고 물어본다. What would you say to?

He stared. “I’d say, ‘Get those goddam reindeer off my roof!’ Shove it, Pop—there’s no such job.”
“Okay, put it this way: I hand him to you, you settle with him, then try my job. If it’s not all I claim—well, I
can’t hold you.”
He was wavering; the last drink did it. “When d’yuh d’liver ’im?” he said thickly.
He shoved out his hand. “It’s a deal!”
“If it’s a deal—right now!”

아들(미혼모)이 그런 직장이 어딨냐고, 그런거 없다고 하자 아빠(바텐더)가 그 상사에게 데려다 줄테니 해보라고 권유한다. 다단계는 이렇게 시작하는 것이로구나.

(다음 시간에 계속..)